Wednesday, 16th October 2019

Report: Vegan Diet May Lead to Homosexuality in Men

Posted on 16. Jul, 2012 by in Misc. | 30,187 views

By: Jesse

Organic food could potentially lead to homosexuality and tossing of salad.

A positive correlation between a strict vegan diet and homosexuality among men has been found according to research done by The Center for Delicious Foods and Things.

“Our research shows that vegan males between the age of 14-55 are twice as likely to become faggots.” Dr. Yum-Foode told reporters. “Red meat is apart of a proper nutritious diet. Protein is scientifically proven to enhance the male characteristics such as testosterone. Our data shows that vegans tend to be pussy. And if you’re a pussy, then you’re pretty much gay. The goal is to get the pussy, not become one.”

Dr. Yum-Foode sat down with our Pseudo News reporters for an extended discussion on his research at a local Denny’s.

“As men, we are supposed to eat meat, not get our meat beat.” Dr. Yum-Foode said while engulfing a gargantuan sirloin cheeseburger. “It’s simple if you enjoy that organic shit like salad, tofu, dried fruit and all that other faggy stuff, men will not respect you. A vegan lifestyle is comparable to a gateway drug, and what I mean by that is if you follow a vegan diet, this will respect in a lifestyle change that could result in homosexual behaviors. One thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, you find yourself slightly aroused by Matt Damon and before you know it, you enjoy sliding penises down your throat.”

Senior researcher, Dr. Marvin Shish Kebab spoke briefly about the effect of vegan diets on women.

“Our data showed no significant correlation between vegan females and homosexuality. However, we did learn that a vegan diet could potentially dry up the vagina of a woman.” Dr. Kebab explained. “This could result in a number of complications. The worst possible outcome is that a woman with a dried up vagina joins a feminist organization. And as we all know, feminist organizations have a direct correlation to a lesbian lifestyle.”

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