Friday, 7th August 2020

President Obama Legalizes Dog Meat

Posted on 01. May, 2012 by in Politics | 978 views

President Barack Obama shown above walking his dinner.

by: Jesse Luu

In an attempt to strengthen the United States’ relationship with China, President Obama announced early Tuesday that he has passed a bill that would legalizes dog meat.

As news spread across the nation, many Americans reacted in outrage to the new law.

“Are you kidding me? What is the President thinking? Dog is man’s best friend, not his dinner. This is utterly ridiculous and I will take no part in this atrocity. What are we? Barbarians? Savages? This is cruelty to animals and President Obama should be impeached. You know what? I’m done talking about this. I’m going to KFC.”  Mike Litoris, an American citizen from Seattle, Washington told reporters as he stormed away.

Another American citizen, Jack Goff also responded in outrage.

“Why them black folk always killing dogs? I tell yer right here, if I ever see them niggers walking on my farm, I’ma put one right in there keyster mister. That goes for any one of them black faces ya hear? Obama or Mike Vick.” Goff said.

President Obama recently revealed in an autobiography that he had previously eaten dog meat when he was a child living in Indonesia.

“Let’s be clear.” President Obama told Pseudo News. “Dog meat is a delicacy in many countries, and it’s a delicacy that many Americans have not grown accustom to. There will be an adjustment period for many Americans, but I’m confident that the American people will come around. As Americans, we will learn to appreciate the tender soft meat of dog.  And let’s be clear, I am a dog lover. Have you seen my dog, Bo? My little girls love my dog, and we all love Bo. But when Bo gets old, what are we gonna do? Bo is a loyal dog and loves serving us. I’m sure Bo wouldn’t mind serving us one last time.”

NFL Superstar, Michael Vick of the Philadelphia Eagles had his own opinion on the legalization of dog meat.

“Yeah, I feel it.” Vick said. “President Obama is a real nigga, that’s my dog right there. If your bitch ain’t putting it down, you gotta put that bitch down. PETA, you can suck my dick.”

The legalization of dog meat may be a political move to win the Asian American vote for the upcoming election.

Political analysts say that President Obama’s move to lift the ban on dog meat may be an attempt to win the Asian vote among Asian Americans. Analysts say previously that Asian voters did not trust President Obama in fear that Obama would steal money from Americans.

“Very good. Very happy.” Chinese restaurant owner, Chew Kwok told reporters. “Before, we cook dog. Call chicken. Now can say dog. Very good. America number one!”

Relations with China appear to have strengthened as reports from the Chinese government are generally positive in response to the new American law. President Obama is said to be eager to further align itself with China in its effort against North Korea.

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