Wednesday, 16th October 2019

How Old People are Ruining America (Guest Column)

Posted on 15. Feb, 2012 by in Columns | 5,478 views

By: Nick Wong (PNN Contributor)

I am a firm believer in ageism in America, but I do not look at this discrimination the same way as the main portion of the population. I believe that old people get away with many things that the younger generations do not and they get away with it because of lame excuses such as “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” and dementia. Old people get to randomly yell at people, spit on the ground, eat cheaper, and endanger everyone with their driving skills.

If old people can’t start contributing positively to our society, then maybe they shouldn’t be a part of it. Sure I have my own personal vendetta for old people as they are ruthless on the MUNI or any bus service they so rudely take advantage of with their self-righteous entitlement to those front seats. They get awfully youthful when pushing people out of the way for those chairs. Do not get me wrong I am related to many old people that I love, but it is my duty to remain unbiased and find a solution to the elderly problems in America.

Which is why I have a solution. I suggest that we implement a mandatory death age. As soon as an elderly turns to the age of 80 it is time to part ways with our burdening loved ones. You may think this is harsh but according to research done by the YPAAE (Young People of America Against the Elderly), the numbers show that the world is a much better place without old people.

YPAAE Statistics:

  •     If we were to decrease the elderly population in America, Racism would drop by 30%
  •     Traffic would drastically decrease in urban areas by 50%
  •     Our country would save billions of dollars annually without having to pay for social security.
  •     The spread of disease and weird old people odor would decrease by 12%
  •     Handicap parking spots will be reserved for people who actually need it.

And while the immediate extinction of the elderly will come with the loss of great story telling and home made cookies it is a sacrifice that this country make make in order to succeed.

If these statistics do not move you to help us implement this mercy kill law, then you obviously do not care about your country in the same way that I do.

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One Response to “How Old People are Ruining America (Guest Column)”

  1. jcock 16 February 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    hahahhhhahh!! not sure if i agree, but you do present sound logic..


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