Wednesday, 11th December 2019

New WNBA Rule Requires Less Clothing

Posted on 01. Dec, 2011 by in Sports | 9,004 views

Professional Kitchen Cooks Pretending to be Basketball Players

By: Jesse Luu

Fans of the NBA were pleased to learn that the 149-day lockout came to an end over the weekend. But the NBA isn’t the only league that will be undergoing serious changes. In a press release early Thursday, NBA Commissioner David Stern said the WNBA will undergo major changes to increase viewership and target the male audience.

“David [Stern] has been severely disappointed in the WNBA.” Laurel Robinson, President of the WNBA said Thursday. “Our target audience right now is predominantly women, and to be quite honest, women don’t know shit about sports. Because of that, the WNBA product suffers. Revenue is down, morale is down and quite honestly, these girls have no talent. I’m curious as to why we even allow girls to step foot on the hardwood. Our jersey sales are terrible and because of that, we’ve decided to remove jerseys completely. Yes, that’s right. The WNBA will be playing completely naked, starting next season.”

Robinson justified the move in order to compete with the NBA and other sports leagues around the world. Adding that the removal of clothing will validate the sport and bring the much needed respect that the WNBA deserves.

Many players within the WNBA are protesting the move and claim that it violates their rights to privacy.

“Absolutely ridiculous!” WNBA ‘star’ Candace Parker said. “If I have to take off my clothes to be taken seriously, then I rather the league continue to be considered a joke. I am a strong black woman and I will not stand for this.”

Robinson responded to the backlash by stating that any player that refused to comply to the new dress code can go back to the kitchen.

“I know many will oppose the new policy and some will even call it disrespectful. But allowing these so called athletes to play the game of basketball is just as disrespectful as the new policy, if not more. Watching these girls play is just as hard on the eyes as some of these girl’s faces. So now we’re going to remove their clothing and in the end, we will gain the respect of the fans.” Robinson said.

Despite initial backlash, some WNBA players are not against it. The WNBA’s latest addition, Chris Bosh, spoke on the matter.

“Oh no. I’m completely fine with the new rule.” Chris Bosh said. “That’s how I play the game back home when I was growing up. I’m completely open to playing in the nude in front of the world. In fact, I welcome it. I think it’ll help me be more loose and free, instead of constantly feeling trapped like I have been these past few years.”

Kobe Bryant is disgusted by the new WNBA rules.

NBA All-Star, Kobe Bryant had his own opinion on the new WNBA rules.

“Are you serious, bro?” Bryant said in displeasure. “Ain’t nobody wanna see that shit anyway. Them hoe’s look like men. Who would pay to see that? I watched one of their games one time and I thought Rajon Rondo was playing out there. [The WNBA] need to close up shop and ship these bitches outta here. Go make me a sandwich.”

Whether or not the WNBA succeeds under the new rules remains unknown. But one thing is for sure, these new changes will definitely be a breast of fresh air.

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