Tuesday, 14th July 2020

LeBron James; The Test Tube Baby?

Posted on 22. Dec, 2011 by in Sports | 15,485 views

According to the scientist at the Nike Laboratory, LeBron James is a failed project designed to create the world's greatest basketball player.

By: Jesse Luu

In the last year and a half, NBA superstar LeBron James has gone from one of the league’s most popular players to one of the most hated. A large amount of this criticism can be attributed to LeBron’s self-serving hour long television broadcast, in which the NBA All-Star announced that he would be joining the Miami Heat, essentially spitting in the face of his home state.

However, there may be another reason why LeBron James has lost touch with reality. There is no doubt that the fame and fortune that followed a young LeBron James during his high school years has inflated his ego. But we can going back even further into LeBron’s history and we can see just how he became the man he is today.

As a single mom, Gloria James raised LeBron James on her own. Without a real father figure around, LeBron James masked the pain of never meeting his father by playing basketball. However, this brings up a serious question at hand.

Did LeBron James even have a father?

Pseudo News Network was the first to follow this story, and much to the shock of our reporters, it has been determined that LeBron James may actually be an invirto fertilized baby. Meaning, LeBron James may have been birthed in a test tube.

Scientist working at the Nike Lab had been working on developing a super natural basketball player that would soon become the best basketball player in the world.

To do this, Nike genetically modified the dominant and recessive allele’s of the sex cell’s genotype. Nike developed genetics that would give LeBron James unnatural physical abilities such as size, speed, quickness and leaping ability. Nike envisioned creating a player so talented, that he would be able to surpass Michael Jordan and become the greatest basketball player of all time. Nike was determined to create a player with Man given talents that would take the NBA by storm, winning multiple championships and scoring titles.

With Gloria’s permission, Nike implanted these genetically modified cells into her eggs and LeBron James was born.

Initially, everything seemed to be going well. LeBron James was getting media coverage across the nation as he swept through national titles at the high school level. Deemed as the next big thing, LeBron James came into the NBA and dominated right away. But soon Nike would discover that they had made a critical mistake during the genetic modification of LeBron James.

They forgot to give him a heart.

While LeBron James may not have a biological father, former teammate Delonte West may be the closest thing James has ever had to a father.

It was a huge error on our part.” Michael Swoosh, head of the LeBron James project, stated in an exclusive interview with Pseudo News. “We’re highly disappointed in LeBron. He was given everything. He was gifted and he was talented, but he had no heart. No passion. He’s a quitter. The only positive that came out of the LeBron James project was the amount of money we made off of his shoes. Which you can find at your local Footlocker, Champs, or Nike store.”

LeBron James was not immediately available for comment, but the Pseudo News Network was able to speak briefly with Gloria James and she confirmed the in vitro fertilization story.

It’s true. Absolutely true. LeBron never had a real father, so really, Delonte is the closest thing he’s ever had as a daddy.” Gloria James said. “I really hope he doesn’t hate me for it, but he has to accept the fact that there’s a new man in my life and his name is not Test #1473.”

Lead by Dwyane Wade and Tinman, the Miami Heat will look to open the NBA season on December 25th with a win, as they face the defending NBA Champion Dallas Mavericks in a rematch of last year’s NBA Finals.

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