Thursday, 28th January 2021

Study Shows Committing Suicide is the Cure for Depression

Posted on 01. Oct, 2011 by in Crime, Misc. | 394 views

Suicide the cure for depression

A new study done by the Department of Suicidal Thoughts shows that committing suicide is the best cure for depression. Prescription drugs such as Zoloft, Lexpro and Prozac only temporarily relieve the feeling of depression for many adults and teenagers. According to the Department of Suicidal Thoughts, a permanent cure for depression can be achieved by shooting yourself in the head.

Research shows that the chemical messengers in the brain that signal depression cease to function once a person has committed suicide.

“It was an interesting phenomenon.” One researcher said. “Once our subject was dead, the brain functions normally sending signals that cause symptoms for depression stopped working. We’re not exactly sure why this was the case, but we do know that it works.”

The research team brought in several human subjects to test their theory and found a direct correlation with happiness and committing suicide.

“Before I killed myself, I was very emo.” Josh Weepz said. “I would sit at home all day and listen to Joe Buddens. wear black all the time and write poetry in my room. But one day I saw a flier to participate in a research project that could potentially cure my depression. I thought it was a long shot, but I did what they told me and I killed myself. I’ve never been more happy in my life.”

Studies show that people who kill themselves are 10x more likely to be happier than those who don’t.

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