Friday, 7th August 2020

Obama Promises to Fix NBA Lockout if Re-Elected

Posted on 28. Aug, 2011 by in Politics, Sports | 697 views

President Obama Announces Plan to Fix NBA Lockout

During a campaign tour in his home state of Illinois, President Obama made a new promise today.

“Now, listen here. Uh, if I am re-elected in the 2012 election, as President, uh, I promise to fix the NBA lockout. The NBA lockout is a huge problem, that uh, will affect many Americans. Without the NBA, many Americans will be forced to watch the WNBA, and uh, lets be clear, the women in this country just aren’t any good at basketball.” The President said. “An NBA lockout would also be detrimental to our country as many black athletes would be unemployed and are more likely to commit crimes. Players like J.R. Smith, uh, Deshawn Stevenson and Stephen Jackson may be prone to commit robberies, shoot people, or even sell drugs. As President, uh, I plan to end to NBA lockout to create more jobs and boost the economy.”

As the speech continued, President Obama’s qualifications came into question.

“Well, uh, I think it’s pretty clear. As a former basketball player and the color of my skin, I am more than qualified to fix the NBA. As President, I would fix the issues in relation to parity in the NBA. I, uh, would tax the teams that have more income and give them to the teams with less. Teams, uh, that are doing well with big markets like the Lakers, Knicks, Celtics and Heat would take on a tax increase. Where as teams like the Chicago Bulls, uh, would receive tax cuts and earn more revenue. Also, another issue that I would like to tackle as President is to create affordable healthcare for all NBA players.”

After the speech, Obama was heard whispering to Vice President Joe Biden, “I’m gonna split LeBron and Wade the fuck up. If ya smell what Barack is cookin’”

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